AS Hindus we have all heard the tenet:

                   Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava...

                                             Your Mother is the embodiment of God

                                             Your Father is the embodiment of God

We also know it to be true in our heart. However, how often do we stop to reflect upon the essence of these statements and acknowledge our parents’ contribution to our well-being?

Many of us have been away from home for years. While it was hard for our parents to let us go, they knew that we have to establish our place in the world for us to be truly happy. Now that we have settled in this faraway land and our kids are growing up, we are perhaps in the same position our parents were when we were leaving. It is now that we realize how hard our parents had to struggle so we could grow up healthy and happy, and have a life full of opportunities.

We wonder why communicating with the next generation is so hard. When we were growing up we wondered why it was so hard for parents to understand us and why they wanted to shove all their value systems down our throats.

Now that we are adults we wonder why it was so hard for us to communicate with our parents or accept their guid-ance whereas we do that quite effortlessly with our peers. And as our kids are growing up we wonder why it is so hard to make them understand that we are not forcing our value systems “down their throat” but just trying to impart to them values that will stand them in good stead later on. Well, that is the much talked about generation gap.

The generation gap was defined by someone as the curious fact that “by the time we grow up to realize that all that our parents told us was right we have kids telling us that what we are telling them is all wrong!.” Add to that the fact that we have made a discontinuous transition from an Indian to a Western setting and are trying to keep the bridge between the two intact.

There are no easy answers to problems of dealing with communication across the generation gap. Nor will we try and present any here. Passing on our philosophy of life to a younger generation has from time immemorial met with intense resistance and always will. That is the nature of youth. However, as adults we can at least make the path of communication between our previous generation and our generation a two-way street. We already know what it takes to raise our children and therefore we can appreciate the effort our parents put into raising us.

Unfortunately, we often hold back in telling our parents how we feel. It is part of our guard that we have built up since teenage. Somehow, it is very hard to acknowledge our parents contributions in words. Instead it is easier to send an e-mail or a check once in a while or buy them "stuff’ when we visit them in lieu of words. Naive that we are, we do not understand that it does not matter if we are millionaires or billionaires - the most lavish gift we can buy for our father or mother pales in comparison to a heartfelt acknowledgement to them of moments in our lives when a small act or word of theirs gave us the the courage of a lion and strength of a mountain.

Maybe someone’s father gave up a cherished dream to send him to college. Or someone’s mother gave up part of her dinner so her kid would not go hungry. And maybe our parents’ reassurance that we will always be their beloved child inspite of failing in what appeared to us to be the most unforgivable manner gave us the courage to pick up the pieces to go on. Thats the beauty of our parents - no matter what happens, they are always there. If we are down and out, we are still as precious as gems to them.

If we are wildly succesful and we are on the top of the world, they still see us simply as their kid who use to steal cookies from the kitchen or pull his sister’s pigtails or toothiessly smile in the most disarming ways. It is the love of our parents and the coherence of our families that helped us get to where we are. So we owe it to them and to ourselves to acknowledge to our fathers and mothers what we gained from them. They may know it and we may know it in our hearts. But there is no substitute for putting these feelings into words from time to time.

It is important for us to renew the bond between us and them from time to time so that any turbulence in our relationships stays at the surface and does create unbreachable gaps. It does not take time or money to write to our parents thanking them but it does take humility and courage. If we cannot inculcate humility or muster the courage to perform this simple gesture, perhaps we are devoid of the right to fret about our children? And if the tenets quoted earlier are true, "Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava", then what better way to worship God? Of course, we say to ourselves that the time will come when this gesture is appropriate and we will do it then. But time flies and we may be left wishing we had done it sooner.

Paul Carrack says it best in the song "The Living Years when he sings,

I didn’t get to tell him

All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit

Later that same year

I’m sure I heard his echo

In my baby’s newborn tears

I just wish I could have told him

In the living years.

So let us resolve to remember and acknowledge all we owe to our parents and stop blaming them for any of our shortcomings. After all, it was their first time raising kids too and they did the best they could. If only the modern society realizes this simple truth instead of pointing fingers at our elders, it will go a long way in repairing and strengthening the fabric of our society.

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